Life as a List

Wow…

It’s been nearly four months since my last post. My, how time flies. But, in the interest of getting you up to speed, I get to write one of my favorite things: A list!

Here’s July through October, with as much brevity as possible…

• The week of Independence Day was our first official vacation of the summer. We spent a glorious week at Sandy Pond with Pap (my dad) and "Uncle" Chris (my bestie); celebrated Grant’s first birthday and my 33rd; and, got some much needed R&R. We figured out that we hadn’t really taken a break since the previous July—and, I wouldn’t really classify maternity leave as “vacation,” even if it was at the Pond. In any case, on his first birthday, Grant took his first steps, threw a ball, and tried out some new sounds. We came home with what felt like a totally different little boy.

• The very next weekend, we went to Ohio for my mother-in-law’s annual family reunion slash pool party. We spent some time with a side of the family that we don’t often see and started to have a little more faith in ourselves as parents attempting to travel with an almost toddler. The very next weekend after that, we went back to Ohio for Grandma’s (father-in-law’s mother) 80th party, where we spent some quality time with the entire other side of the family.

• In between all of that, life was peppered with graduation parties (lord, I felt old seeing kids I used to babysit start to graduate from high school), toddler milestones for Grant (read: getting steadier on his feet, putting new words together, discovering the world), weekends at the pool, and a few “date nights” for Matt and me.

• At the beginning of August, we took our second, shorter, long weekend of a vacation to Sandy Pond with Pap and Gram (my mom). This time, Grant knew what to expect. He went running for Lake Ontario, finally got the hang of playing in the sand, and continued developing in leaps and bounds. We also celebrated our second anniversary, albeit a little late, with a night out at and a bottle of wine that we had been saving.

• August was all about spending more time together as a family, taking advantage of belonging to a pool, experiencing new things (like Pittsburgh Restaurant Week), and seeing Grandma Cooper (Matt’s mom), and our friend in town from England. All in all, it was nice to stay grounded in Pittsburgh for a few weeks after all of the June and July traveling.

• At the end of August, we celebrated Matt’s birthday and took a long Labor Day weekend at Sandy Pond with Gram and Pap. Grant was a pro at that point – remember where all his toys were stashed, looked forward to golf cart rides, ate and slept like a champ, and was a joy to be around.

• The weekend after we got back, I took Grant to Ohio to visit “Uncle” Chris in Ohio, where I showed Grant our college town: The smoking benches where Matt and I met, our dorm at Kohl Hall, my old haunts, and, of course, Finders Records. Two weeks after that, Grant did his first overnights with Grandma Cooper and Miss Beth (nanny extraordinaire), while Matt and I spent a very quick weekend in NYC visiting an old friend from college and seeing Atoms For Peace.

• October has been no less chaotic but extremely memorable as well. We saw Nine Inch Nails, which was insanely incredible. We also took a final weekend trip to the Pond with Gram and Pap that was full of wonderful moments, snuggling, bonfires, excellent meals, and the slow transition to fall weather. 

What’s next for the Coopers? We are looking forward to trick or treating, gorging on Thanksgiving favorites, spoiling everyone rotten for Christmas; fires in the fireplace; homemade parsley and basil pesto, spaghetti meat sauce, and 6-bean turkey chili in our bellies; and, hopefully, a non-spirit crushing winter.

But, most of all, we are looking forward to watching our son grow and change, seemingly on a daily basis, before our very eyes. Every day is something totally different. We are constantly amazed with our own capacity for experiencing new things and at how many other “firsts” we have yet to experience with Grant.

Life is, obviously, different with a child around. Grant is now a walking, babbling, pointing, too smart for his own good, curious, sometimes naughty but always adorable, bonafide toddler. Simple things like grocery shopping take twice as long but, then again, they’re twice as fun with a 15-month-old along for the ride. Grant’s laughter and nonsensical gibberish and little waves goodbye and lip-smacking open-mouthed sloppy kid kisses and wild uninhibited hugs…they make everything better and okay and filled with love. Which is all that really matters.

Parenting Platitudes

If any of you are wondering what it’s like to be a new parent, then take note of the fact that it’s been six months since my last post. At some point, life becomes less of crossing things off a ‘to do’ list and more about triaging what’s really important.

(What day is it today? Have I showered? Am I wearing underwear? Did I kiss Grant enough today? Does he know I love him? What’s for dinner? Do we need milk/diapers/wipes/bananas? Am I doing this right? Is he “normal”? Do I care? Is that dirt or a tan?).

So, in honor of making it mostly alive through the first year, I’m going to give you all a fast and furious update via a little play on some parenting clichés…

“He’s so precious!”

Yes, thank you, he is. Obviously, I find Grant to be the cutest, smartest, baby ever. In the whole world. Over all of human existence. Simply, Grant is the most amazing thing I’ve ever created; and, barring my wedding day, his birth is one of my most cherished moments in life.

“He looks just like you!”

Actually, we beg to differ. We think he looks just like…himself. Yes, he has my forehead and Matt’s blue eyes. Sure, there is a pretty strong resemblance to our maternal grandfathers. However, overall, Grant looks like Grant.

“It’s just a phase.”

It is! For the most part, Grant has entered and exited phases without ever looking back. Let’s review some of his phases:

• Exorcist-style puking, relentless shrieking and screeching, and little to no restful sleeping
  The answer to this one is part time and patience—after the first three months, EVERYTHING gets better—and part experimentation. We tried acid reflux meds (didn’t work at all) and different brands and types of formula (nothing worked and we eventually went back to regular old Enfamil). What worked best was a foam sleeping wedge (plus, diligent sleep training at six months) , Dr. Brown’s wide-mouth bottles, and rigorous  burping.
• Chewing on the edges of area rugs
  Thankfully, this phase ended after teething was in fully swing. But, for a while there, we had to cover the edges with toy bins, blankets, tables, chairs, or ourselves to block his advances on any carpet.
• Yanking on his wiener
  Although Grant is done with the violent, seemingly painful phase where it appeared that he wanted to rip off his poor little Johnson, theoretically, wiener yanking will continue in some form long into his adult, male life.
• Grinding his teeth
  This phase can’t end fast enough. The sound of him rubbing his front eight teeth together makes me physically nauseous.

 “Boys will be boys.”

Most of the time, Grant turns into a filthy dirtball after what seems like only moments after a bath. He likes chewing on mulch, foam rubber, and kitchen utensils. He is in love with pushing around his trucks. He’s loud. He’s a destroyer of block towers and a conqueror of anything lying in his path. He loves to climb and attempt to break anything he gets his hands on. But, with any amount of luck, and in light of the fact that he spends every day with a sassy nanny and a headstrong mommy, and has one practical, industrious, father, one day he will be a smart, well spoken, gentleman who respects women, has excellent manners, and can figure out anything.

“Enjoy these times, because they grow up so fast!”

A small sample of things he’s learned since the last time I wrote: Crawling, pulling himself up, climbing up the stairs, diving headfirst off furniture, pinching, grabbing hold of any type of food no matter the size or shape, understanding the concept of a spoon and fork (although the food doesn’t always make it into his mouth), blowing raspberries, sticking his tongue out, laughing at himself and others, kissing, high-fiving, helping get dressed and undressed, opening doors, sleeping through the night, self soothing, babbling (current sounds include ‘ma’, ‘da’, ‘ba’, and ‘na’)

“Kids strengthen a marriage.”

Having child has taught Matt and me so much: At times, it has tested the bedrock of our relationship; and, other times, it has reaffirmed our friendship and love for one another. We’ve learned a lot about the old adage, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” We’re learning more and more about the boundaries of our patience, creativity, resourcefulness, and energy. Most importantly, as we observe each other as parents, we are able to absorb both positive and negative lessons. On one hand, we can share new ‘tricks of the trade’ with each other; and, on the other hand, watching the other person lose their patience, scream and yell, submit to a rotten mood, or just generally take out their bad day on Grant, we can see how we must look and sound when we have those same moments.

“It’s important to take care of yourself.”

Now, more than ever, I make time to cook crazy new meals every week and go to yoga at least twice. Matt enjoys walking and riding his bike, taking some time in the man cave (read: outdoor shed), and doing a house project or mowing the lawn. We make a conscious effort to ‘switch off’ every once in a while to give each other a little alone time. Every parent knows that there are just some times when you don’t want to look at your child, touch or hold them, or even think about being a parent. Even if it only means a quiet shower on the weekend, a solo grocery trip, or 15 minutes of uninterrupted dish washing, taking care of yourself is essential to being able to take care of your family.

“We’ve all been there.”

It’s important to give yourself a little slack. You can always find someone out there who has been through what you’re experiencing; and, through the magic of the Internet and social media, they are only a few keystrokes away.

We are also fortunate to be surrounded by a huge network of loving family and friends. Miss Beth is a diamond in the rough when it comes to nannies. Uncle Chris is the ‘Cooper Whisperer’. Gram and Pap Keefer are whatever they need to be—relief pitchers, spoilers, helpers, healers, mediators—and we are grateful that they live so close. Grandma Cooper’s love for monkey extends to the moon and back. Our neighbors are incredible, and a constant source of advice and hand-me-downs. In short, we couldn’t be happier that we made the decision to move back east.

“Oh it gets easier.”

No, it doesn’t. It just gets different.

 “Parenting is hard.”

Yes, it is. But it is also wonderful, awesome, rewarding, fulfilling, lovely, happy, great, good, and great.

As time passes me by, I remember less of the hard times and more of the god times. I’m learning how to hone my very own selective memories. The feeling of Grant’s puke sliding down my back already pales in comparison to what it felt like the first time he said ‘Ma’ and knew it was me or every time he gives me a big, sloppy kiss. The sound of his infant cry is a distant echo to the sound of his gleeful toddler laugh. Three things have never changed: I love myself; I love my husband; and, I love my son. At the end of the day:

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.